08.06.08

So, it's the middle of the night and due to some nagging pain ... I cannot sleep.

I reach for the remote and with a click of a button, I am transported to "the land of make believe".

Infomercials.

When looking into these portals of promises ... I am transported magically.

I can:

Lose weight with a multiple of remedies

Increase my core strength

Buy a house for $300.00

Obtain a FHA Loan with lousy credit

Whip up a full menu of food in a bullet shaped blender

Cook a full menu of food in a sandwich press

Detox my colon and poop out any number of ills

Put on mineral makeup and become a glamour queen

Cut and chop like a professional chef

Read a book to find a cure for everything that ails humankind

Extend the length and girth of my penis (if I had one)

Soak up a gallon of water with a small handkerchief

Carry a crapload of stuff in one really ugly shoulder bag

Never use an iron again (steam my clothes)

Never use a cooking pot again (steam my vegetables)

Whiten my teeth, straighten my hair, grow my fingernails

Ah, so many promises.

I was mesmerized by the infomercial for a carpet cleaning system similar to those that you can rent from a grocery store.

The demonstrations looked pretty damned good.

Was it possible that a carpet cleaner COULD work like that?

And can you believe it? The first payment of $29.95 includes a trunkload of cleaning potions to sanitize, de-mold, de-stain, un-foam and basically whip the dirt outta dirt.

Since I am interested but always the skeptic, I trot off to surf the trusty internets and check out the carpet cleaner company's website.

Yup, the potions are free, the stair-furniture-automobile carpet cleaning tool "can be" free ... the first payment is indeed $29.95! Amazing!

But wait.

The total price for the standard size carpet cleaner is over $700.00 and if you want the jumbo-size-wide-mouth unit, it is over $900.00.

Whoa Nellie! Now THAT is what I call being taken to the cleaners.

Carpet cleaners, that is.

[10:30am MST] [Permalink]


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