Today is an "almost" anniversary for me.

It is, however, questionable as to how it should be celebrated.

A year ago today, an Emergency Room physician told my mother to call our family in from out of state because he did not believe that I would survive the next 24 hours.

Statistics were against me. My oxygen deprived body turned my lips and fingertips blue.

Veins collapsed. Drugged, intubated and wheeled to the critical care unit.

Heparin dripping in an attempt to thin my blood. Meds, needles, bruises, and the endless beep of the heart monitor. Oxygen mask working furiously against the embolism in my lung.

One year ago today I almost died.

The anniversary?

A celebration of life. "Almost" didn't happen.

So how does one almost celebrate?

Wait ... I know. I will celebrate by breathing.

Simply breathing.

The post that formerly occupied this space has been deleted due to lack o' interest.

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.    - - Jonathan Swift - -

Let's see ... today is Monday. Actually, it is Monday night. The teevee is on.

Therefore it is time to learn about predators.

The menacing behavior that teaches you to "watch your back".

Teeth baring, snarling and skulking into the shadows.

What? You thought what?

While it may seem like I am referring to the less-than-stellar antics of the women on Joe Millionaire, I actually spent my "Joe Millionaire" time looking up information on crocodiles.

Yep, crocs.

Why?

This morning I watched a woman reporter discussing the forthcoming "Survivor" series set in the Amazon rainforest and waterways. She said that the contestants are truly exposed to danger in this environment because carnivorous snakes in the Amazon are large enough to eat humans and the plentiful presence of crocodiles (and piranha) prevents swimming in the murky waters.

I parroted this data to a friend and he was shocked to learn that there are indeed crocodiles in the Amazon.

But of course! Didn't he watch all those PBS excursions to the Amazon with Jim Fowler in Mutual of Omaha's "Wild Kingdom"?

I told him that there are crocs in many places including Florida.

A discussion ensued which led us to learn (via Google) all about the American Crocodile of southern Florida and the Black Caiman (crocodile) of the Amazon.

We then learned that alligators only exist in two places on Earth: the USA and China.

Alligators. Crocodiles. Oh my.

And to think that you thought these low skulking, back biting critters were only found in French chateaux baited by a Joe Millionaire!

Call him Joe. Joe Millionaire.

Did you watch?

I did.

And laughed out loud.

If we, the viewers, did not know the farce up front, we would just shrug it off as yet another "marry a millionaire/the bachelor" wannabe.

But, it is the fore knowledge that sets the premise. Premise = goldiggers dig themselves into a hole.

On teevee. In front of millions.

I love it. It makes me laugh.

I think the guy, Evan, is the perfect choice for "Joe Millionaire". If FOX had picked a smooth talking, slick guy with manners and a pretentious job (i.e. the latest "The Bachelor"), the absurdity of the farce just would not work.

The women arrived via horse drawn carriage pulling up to a French castle. Too many of these ladies got all misty eyed and waxed poetic about their childhood dreams of becoming a princess that may now come true.

Little do they know that their "Prince Charming" in reality will arrive in a heavy duty dirt moving front loader.

This construction worker, Evan, is rough around the edges and does not appear to be the quickest of thinkers. His voice-overs keep implying that he is having moral second thoughts about the deception.

Uh, yeah right. He keeps intimating that he is looking for a woman who wants him and not the money. Methinks finding THAT woman THIS way is a bit ... unrealistic.

But, his naiveté ... his big hunky but clumsy body learning to waltz ... his shyness ... well, I found them endearing.

His butler, Paul, handed out pearl necklaces to the ladies Evan chose to stay. Why? Could Evan not remember their names? At least "The Bachelor" does his own dirty work, eh?

And while the pearls may seem a bit cheesy ... they have a resale value. Roses do not.

Yes, I watched "Joe Millionaire". I will watch it again.

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