5.30.00

All day today I have been thinking about the issue of "work". Going to work. Working from home. Work as it is, in ANY capacity.

I have heard many experts expound on the theory that as humans we should never equate our personal value to the work that we do.

Rubbish!

Think about it: you DO something, anything ... clean the garage, mow the lawn, feed the baby, complete the spreadsheet, file the form, create the image, code the webpage, program the software, compute the loan ... and what happens?

Well, if you are like most people I know, you feel a sense of accomplishment. You are gratified. And these are indeed wonderful feelings.

In my opinion, anything that brings a positive self response adds value to my life.

So I have decided that "work" will no longer be allowed to mentally overwhelm me. I will accept the small achievements and tasks completed in my everyday walk through life as bridges crossed successfully ... resulting in an accomplished path.

I have decided not to mentally berate or punish myself for the things I did not get around to doing because I did not have the time ... or because I did not understand or want to learn the task at hand ... or simply because I did not feel like doing it.

While I do not like my procrastinating tendencies, I accept them and refuse to think myself less worthy of the self-love and self-worth or even the public acceptance that I just simply deserve.

If I am given the grace of my God to wake to face the day and rise from my bed in acceptance of whatever the day holds for me, I will know that another bridge has been crossed. I will accept each minor accomplishment and task completed with the understanding that I deserve a self administered pat-on-the-back.

So, if you are like me ... and find yourself always thinking, "Damn, I wasted the day and now I just feel like ***** about myself," I ask that you simply review everything you did within that day. Look deeply. Don't overlook a thing.

Did you brush your teeth? Then you accomplished good dental hygiene. Did not brush? Sokay, brush 'em tomorrow.

Did you let the dog out? Great! You exhibit good pet ownership. Forgot? Now you can feel pride in the accomplishment of cleaning up whatever little gifts the canine left for you!

Did you write in your blog or journal and ignore the rest of the tasks waiting? YAY! You deserve to hug yourself because you expressed your feelings.

See? It is easy, yes? Love yourself. Love what you do. Always.

5.29.00

Today is Memorial Day.   Please honor this day by remembering the men and women who gave their lives in service to our nation. Visit the National Moment of Remembrance site to learn more.

My Dad passed away a few years ago. It was the worst day of my life. But the memories I hold of him deep within my heart are some of the best memories I have. Miss you Dad!

And remember 3:00pm EST every Memorial Day!

This was the three day weekend I was going to get schtuff done. Circumstances and situations have prevented such undertakings and here I sit, pondering if I should just continue my healing rest or spend the day "doing" something constructive.

Jane says to rest. Okay doc.

And speaking of Miz RockArtifacts, she surprised me yesterday with a very welcomed telephone chat. We discussed (amongst many other subjects) household chores and the resulting aversions.

Odd, but JRK, Kelly and I all suffer from the same distaste for, of all things, PUTTING STUFF AWAY!

Huh? Yep, it is the putting away that throws us.

We all three agree that we will wash the greasiest, most foul dishes until our knuckles are raw but once they are cleaned and dried (and perhaps sitting CLEAN inside the dishwasher), the dishes become our nemesis.

And what about laundry? We three would carry it on our shoulders to beat it on a rock in the nearest stream then hang it wet in a tornado ... but when it is dry, folded and ready to put away: UGH!

Groceries? Same thing. I will tote them up and down a mountain in a downpour through a nest of rattlers (??) but once those groceries are sitting ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER, I just feel overwhelmed.

JRK psychoanalyzed it. I nodded. But we are curious: does this happen with other people? Let me know, k?

5.28.00

Just a quick note this morning:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN HALCYON STYN!

You cockybastard.

5.27.00

So, it appears there is life once again at Jann's house. Life yes, but 'living' is still questionable.

It is amazing how, in a few short months, I forget what summers are like here in the desert southwest. In a word: GRUELING.

It is forecasted to be 113 freakin' degrees on Monday and it is not even June, fer weatherman's sake!

A Memorial Day picnic here requires no charcoal to grill your favorite protein product ... no, no, no ... simply throw that cut-o'-stuff on the metal thingies attached to your automobile seat beat and in no time, it will be perfectly charred!

I do not want to hear "but it's a dry heat". Hot = hot.

I actually found myself laughing tonight at the totally ridiculous "Win Ben Stein's Money" on The Comedy Channel. Obviously the titles for the categories are more entertaining than either Mr. Stein or his goofy sidekick. I found myself laughingly asking myself (yes, I AM talking to myself) "Who writes this stuff?"

Oddservation: Logically, more people have time to watch television on weekend nites than weekday nites, so why do the network execs schedule Saturday nite television to totally suck?

I am off to bedland once again to read, listen to toonage, and sip Diet Coke on ice. Wanna join moi?

5.25.00

I have only one name.

Still aching. Physically. Mentally. I am fatigued.

An original poetic on-the-spot musing:

In a world filled with 22 karat moments,
Why am I drawn to people
Who tarnish right before my eyes?

In a moment held captive in one perfect rose,
I find myself staring at fallen petals
... still damp from fallen tears.

In the tinkling of chimes against the wind,
I recognize the sound of deception.

Great expectations. Aren't.  © Jann

A real bundle of joy tonight, eh?

I just gotta stop holding people in such high esteem. They come crashing down and it is ME that feels the pain.

5.24.00

I got up very early yesterday to "take care of business": pay bills, dictate a couple consults, courier some invoices, FedEx a couple packages, yadda, yadda and additional yadda.

Now, I am so WAY glad I did. Why?

I am sick. Not your summer cold sick. Not allergies or hay fever sick. Not steering the porcelain rim sick. Just sick. I cannot breathe. I cannot get comfortable. I ache everywhere - - I am so sore, it hurts to put on the 'phones to listen to some mellow Ottmar or Ray Lynch. Ugh.

Yet now I can rest miserably in bed surrounded by an assemblage of remotes, Architectural Digest, Santa Fean magazine, the Wall Street Journal [no wonder I am miserable, eh?] and NOT have to fret over the exercise of business.

I haul my weary buttocks outta bed to pour another Crystal Light Peach Tea & ice, and I hear the 'puter calling, "Jaaannnn, Jannnnn, oh Jaaaannn" (making my one syllable name sound like a drunken chorus of "Barbara Ann"). Oh yes, my PC talks to me ... doesn't yours?

So here sit I ... shivering against the A/C which is valiantly fighting off the record breaking end-o'-May heat ... typing in my journal. And what do I find myself typing about?

Typing in my journal.   I am going back to bed.

Call me. I'm outtie.

5.22.00

Today is Monday. Feels like Friday. Ugh... I gotta get with the program!

I have mailing to do, packages to ship, bills to pay. And yet do I do 'em? Nawww, course not!

Perhaps it is the weather? Today we have a cool 108º with 9% humidity. Tomorrow a forecasted brisk 109º ... mmmm, refreshing, eh?

For those of you who have emailed or telephonically inquired as to why I was attempting my CD break dance: I burned a CD incorrectly yet it contained confidential client data and did not want to send it to the dump for some inquiring minds to possibly discover.

Next time: charring a CD on the BBQ grill! Ooo, and don't forget the Tabasco!

An original poetic on-the-spot musing:

The sun beats on the window in a fevered staccato
Drumming out a plea to the curtains
To let in the rays to play with the shadows

*lumbers off to check the thermostat*

5.19.00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHILDREN OF THE MOON !!

Ugh. WORD OF WARNING: Never, never, NEVER attempt to break a CD in half!

I did. It sorta explodes. Really loudly. Then when the sound clears and you open your eyes (YOU MUST COVER YOUR EYES), you find yourself covered in tiny very sharp shards of plastic and film. Yes, film! And it is everywhere! It is the stuff that makes the CD look like an optical rainbow. It is INSIDE the plastic CD. And guess what? It should stay there. 'nuf said.

Well, where you see these words was formally a long winded rant. It had to do with religion and an article I read in today's The Arizona Republic (the cowtown version of a big city newspaper). After typing the rant, I reread my words and realized the simple act of typing them purged the anger. As such, I spare you ... the reader ... from my rather incensed opinions.

Perhaps I need to cancel my subscription to the paper. If I remain blind to the issues at hand, I can go peacefully about in my own little world and not allow the close-minded, self-serving, holier-than-thou, bigoted exclusionists to yank my mental chain!

In my "about me" page that I call MINUTIAE, I state that "Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher" is one of my favorite telly diversions. Just wondering: Bill, has network gone to your head, or what??

Jes' wonderin'.

So watch out for those flyin' CD shards: thems be dangerous!!

5.17.00

Well finally, the remodel of my design atelier is complete:

Aspirations In Design.

An original poetic on-the-spot musing:

The summer breeze carries the scent of humor
Because I laugh when it tickles my cheek.

The bright sun has criminal intent
Because upon rising, it steals the night.

The man in the moon sings celestial songs
Because the stars seem to dance in the sky.   © Jann

Just have to give a warm smile and a nod to the ladies that I shared a multi-conference call with tonight. Your friendship is so precious to me. You have blessed my life.

5.16.00

I took the Momster out for dinner on her special day.  We went to one of those "theme" restaurants (her choice, not mine!) that looks like a giant barn with all sorts of ranch type schtuff hanging from the eaves; the waitresses all wear cowboy duds and have six-shooters hanging from their hips via low slung holsters.  There is even sawdust on the floor which causes me to wonder how the Department of Health allows THAT to slip through.

These people take eating really seriously.  Do the words "tying on the feedbag" 'splain it?  Whoa Nellie!  I will be eating the doggie bag fixin's for days!  But Mom loved it - - and they gave her a couple of roses as we left.  Odd how that small gesture really made the nite seem special for her.

By the way, when is Daughter's Day? ;-)

I have been trying to get Aspirations in Design (the pro web design aspect of my online presence) redesigned for the last 48 hours.

However, as many of you know, I run R.I.G.H.T.S. which is an online education program regarding the illegal redistribution of intellectual property.  I have spent the last 12 hours looking through submitted websites of alleged copyright violators to document the data; I am simply worn out!

Not physically worn out (as the couple of ounces my mouse weighs does not challenge my endurance) but I am indeed emotionally spent from the ongoing witnessing of such total disregard for copyright and online ethics.  What the $#*&?! are people thinking?

*growls as she toddles off for another Diet Coke*

Ever have a total stranger do something unexpected that just causes you to smile and then smile some more?  I did.   Thank you Jeff!

5.14.00

Happy Mother's Day.

I have the wonderful fortune of being an adult woman in her early 40's whose mother is still around to make me often feel like an admonished teenager barely out of puberty.   We disagree often but I have learned to bridle my tongue for the sake of harmony.  Yet I can, in all truth and with adult onset clarity, say that my mother is my best friend.

Speaking of feeling like a teenager ... yesterday the "I gotta purchase something techy and fun" urge was stronger than the raging hormones of the adolescent male viewing his first softcore porn:  I must act on this thing and I must act on it now!

After an adventurous afternoon on the highways and byways of sunny Phoenix and with a bit of cajoling to the tech staff at the MetroCenter CompUSA [shameless plug for Kris & Jason], I am the proud owner of a new CDRW!

So how did I spend my Saturday night?  Whilst burnin' the midnight oil, I was burnin' CDs.

About the new look:  reactions = extremely favorable.

About me:  reactions = sincerely humbled.

Odd, I was trembling while mousing to delete da old - upload da new.  And now, peace.  Why? Realizing that I am indeed on-the-right-track believing that one truly must wear the shoes they are the most comfortable in. (ed.note:  ref 5.12)

An oddservation:  

If water seeks its own level, then why are individuals whose ideals seem soaked in bitter cruelty elevated to levels they truly do not deserve?

Go hug your Mom.  In spirit or in person.  It is, after all, her day.

5.12.00

What have I done?  What the $#*&?! was I thinking?

Well, here goes Miz Jann, out with the old and in with the new! My heart is pounding.  But what do I have to fear?

I was just tired of the old shoes, although extremely comfortable, the look just wasn't "me" anymore and walking in them seemed to be a "lie".  A deception.

When I first entered this cyber realm through HTML, it was for the expression of my spirit.  The expression of my sweet aspirations.

So now, my new shoes are indeed:

s w e e t a s p i r a t i o n s . c o m

Lemme know what you think, ok?